more little aggrevation

as usual, I am in a tither, trying to decide what I can do and can not do. I have accepted a job and have quickly learned why she has such a turn around of staff. there is no order in anything. I started and have not worked a shift yet and she has changed my schedule 3 times. so due to the fact that we need money so badly right now, I will go and do the best I can and hope things go well.I have to quickly change dayshift into night. it is not as easy to flip things here as others may think. I have lots of food prepared for her. Jake has to be able to get home after school and that will be an hour after dark which is where her fear comes in. I can call chris but if she can deal, it would be better to have no one and she has folks visit so I think she'll be ok and this may give me an in at maple manor who do not wish to hire me for some reason. I can work, I just have to watch repetious things. steps, ladders etc. I am upset with jake and jamey right now. jimmy gave them a printer,scanner,copier that is much cheaper and better than mine and I told both of them I would love to have it and I noticed it is gone from the garage now and was not offered to me. It hurts my feelings and I have spent so much on ink and made lots of copies for them and their medicaid(when it was being used)and taxes. I guess I have made myself a rug and allowed whomever to walk on me. the fact is nothing terrible has been done it is just stuff to keep you crazy and trying to do better or have a bit more or get that special thing for a grandchild.mainly trying to get a useable shower in my kids house and the siding and charlies room done.at least their life would be a little more stable. mom forgets so badly. that is my fear and the boys, if they know I am gone, can get away with anything,as I said, nothing horrible but I have to lock my room.they take things in and out without asking and It has been an issue. just another of the small issues I have had here. well I will close and say a prayer that things will work out. this job may prove to be not worth it, if she keeps calling me every day and changing it all. lord it is in your hands. sue took mom to the doc for me today so I could go to mine and they came back with a good report and the doc wants her to take lipoflavin for her ears. now they just told me(my sibs) she didn't need all this medicine.  I said well she don't need that and sue goes off with this well glenda the doctor said she should use it and they don't usually suggest things like that. well they do and we have taken the ones she really needs but I don't know what the hell they expect. docotors recommend whatever the last salesman brought or what they recall being used and put everybody in the same box. if you don't watch, you'll be taking 25 pills a day which the four or five docs ordered, neither knowing what is already being taken, and many of them are going back to home remedys or vitamins to cut down on cost for people. mom hears better than I do so "really" does she need another vitamin NO.  I have tried to explain this to my sibs, but they think I am a spaztic,paranoid freak I guess. that's what killed kaye. taking everything the doc said and not taking good care of herself and pilling everything to extreme instead of changing her diet and quit sucking down diet colas etc, but I am the dummy. oh well, my cigarettes will likely be my demise but it ain't like I don't know it, I just can't seem to quit so we all just do what we have to or what we think is best. realizing we are not all the same is one of the lessons a lot of us learn too late.try not to judge others if you don't live their life.