Timothy

Well it is to be Tim's birthday and he will be here thursday to celebrate at kim's.  Mom is to make a pound cake. Hers has to be the best I ever tasted and I will have to learn to make it today. She does the telling, I do the grunt work and that is ok. I also need to go to the house and finish the bathroom floor so the kids can get a shower in. We still need to put in some drywall too, but the boys will be there to help. We learned yesterday that kaye will have surgery to remove her toe next wed. I so hate for her to have to go through this. Things seem so awful all over the world. I know I only see a very small part of the world but it is getting creepy. I did learn that my grandson has picked a church to take his new baby and family to.  I got up about 3 times last night. we have had breakin attempts 2-3 times on our street and it is happening at different times. I think our house is locked down pretty good but if they want in they usually find a way. I worry they will use the basement windows.well back to the pound cake. requires the "big" mixer and a huge bowl and lots of eggs sugar and flour. We found a sugarless cake recipe. I don't know how many carbs and other bad for you stuff is still in it but I suppose you could eat a regular piece rather than a sliver. Kaye will be starting the hyperbaric chamber again. I told pete I would take her to that. she has had a hard time going cause she is so tired and won't (sometimes) go for him. I think if she knows I'm coming it might give her a little incentative to push through and go but I hope it works.I am not tied to the house quite as much as I was, as long as I am back from anywhere by dark and I get that. at 60, it scares me to be here without the boys downstairs.when they aren't here I put a barricade up at the door. frosty would lick someone to death. He is such an easy going animal.  I am trying to get an article written with pics alongside to send to the kentucky magazine. It has a lot of stories and fun stuff to read about old times.  Mom loves it. Well it sounds like she is up, so I will get in here and get the day started. love and prayers to all.

the move

well I don't know how it will be halfway living with my daughter. I am hurt at her right now and feel deserted. she left on a "free" vacation no sooner than we got them shoved into the house. I don't know all the reasons she was kicked out of the one she had but they do have a hard time keeping things clean and nice. the boys will do whatever I ask them and I hope they do well here. it is not in anyway ready for a family of that size but I have no choice in it right now. she had like an 800$ medicine bill and so much stress. I understand the vacation to some extint but it was an awful time for her to leave and she went to ocean city NJ right where the hurricanes are spinning and flooding and I know I am paranoid but I don't like tempting fate. we got the water heater hooked up but the electricity don't work so now another hurdle. I have spoke to the bank and have so much crap going on I can't keep it in my head. I think the time will be more temporary than they all would like but I can't live in a mess and they will soon get tired of me telling them what to do. she had no money and no way to go anywhere but she could have waited a few more weeks to do this. I think she wanted to get her stuff moved before her "vacation". her landlord came there and threatened the kids while she was at work and called and texted and her rent was one day late at the time. she needed to get out. now the lady in her drunkeness will have nothing good to say about them I'm sure. I am having a hard time just getting up and breathing right now. my ear is infected and I feel so down and done.mother tries to keep me from extra work and usually winds up making it worse. like today she knew I had an appointment with the doc and my ears are giving me fits. she started in the kitchen and before she was worn out, cooked fried chicken,chicken and noodles,veg soup,greenbeans,corn on the cob,a peach upsidedown cake. there were ten pots and bowls all over the kitchen and I tried to get some of it done before I left. Jamey has a job now with home depot.the boys don't watch as close as I'd like them to and if someone is in the house she goes to cooking and it is never enough. she just keeps adding something else but ai have started letting her clean up some of the mess and then I finish it.I don't think she does any of it on purpose but it is very hard to deal with daily living in this house anymore and like the soup. all I said was mom try to keep it a little smaller we don't need 2 gallons. but the pot was full to the top and we took some to kaye. the whole night she told me at least 25 times how good she liked the soup and how kaye loved the soup and ate 2 bowls.I don't know if she forgot she already told me or if she wanted to excuse herself to me for making it or prove to me it was a good thing but it drives me nuts. I don't mind her cooking so much as she thinks, but when she cooks all day for other people and I have a mess to clean up, and she don't even eat it. she was determined to make the corn on the cob before joey left cause "she wanted it" we wound up waiting til it was done to take him home.oh well you can't change her now and I wish she were happier but I do the best I can and she is a handful sometimes. oh well time to quit whining and thank the lord for the blessings and get on with my night. yeah can't sleep.I try to think of those more opressed when I feel down. there are so many without just needs being met. we are so fortunate in so many ways. god have mercy on us and keep us in your care.

food for the day

have you ever longed for that moment of silience, when no one called your name, the phone didn't ring, the dogs are quiet and no one needs anything for that moment. I have longed for that moment for a while. I have never been able to walk away with anyone in my family or extended family needing help. My heart would not allow me to pretend I could do nothing. although it is as much a curse as a quaility, I have always been able to understand speech of those who could not speak clearly, always sewed up that unfixable clothing that someone didn't want to toss, that broken whatnot or furniture, even cars. oh well jimmy asked mom to go to dinner with her and the boys for jakes b-day. just the four of them was the request. jake actually has a girlfriend and she went along too.  so the house is so quiet. it is (for a time)so nice to hear nothing. I would in no way change caring for my mother but I do get tired of not having a life. for the last year I have been cleaning up the Oak st house and redoing almost everything in it. I have gone in two to four hour segments and it has been the most taxing test of all my senses to continue. It is about done. my daughter moved into it although it is not done yet and I hope it is not another mistake. I feel like I am sending her to hell. it is old and delapadated and she will have lots to contend with. but her payment will be less than 300.00 a month so they may be able to deal with life a little better. she needs to learn to not spend on so much junk. but we can hope. I would like to take a week off and be unresponsible for anything, but I am sure that time will come all too soon. life is just really hard right now. God help us all and all our soldiers and the little hungry children. prayers and love to all.

food can't fix it

I am so overwhelmed with grief for my sister, it is hard to breathe. They wouldn't even look at me for giving her a kidney. I keep going back in my mind to the day she virtually died in her living room and wonder, did I do the right thing. she's had to suffer through so much. I wonder if it is a test for pete(and her)like job, to test faith and I have a hard time not seeing the miricle we have all prayed and prayed for. course the fall was the culprit I guess. she made it over the heart stop and cpr. I can't even explain the way I feel. I know she has been spared for a time because so many things could have and should have taken her life and she fought through all of it to get to this point, where she has to loose a leg, or basically die, short of a miricle, it is a matter of time. she is like a child, so afraid and then so agressive when upset. I would be an idiot I'm sure if I had to endure what she has. pete is so determined to do all of her care and not let her go . I get so angry with him sometimes. a small change could make things easier for her and him. being the caregiver and watching over those in the hospital and making sure things were done as correctly as my knowledge would allow, was the only thing I felt like I could give my family and he took that completely away from me with my sister. of course this was her wish too I assume but I don't know. she remains so protective of her son and I think is grieving over leaving her family. as we all know none of us have the promise of tomorrow, but to see so much pain in one of your loved ones is almost more than I can bare. Her greatest fear was to be unable like our father was and it has come on her worse than daddy had to deal with. he didn't suffer so much even though he was disabled. He had his problems but came out of things quickly and remained jolly although he had some mental setbacks with memory and emotion he was quite happy. he kind of died in her arms(kayes) and I started CPR and looked at mom to tell me if I should continue, since he'd slipped alot in the last year. she said no, don't do it anymore. that was the hardest thing I've never done. I believe it was his time and he begged me not to take him to the hospital. he did not want to go through anymore of that. well I need to pray for all of us and try to sleep. it's likely to be a long hard day tomorrow. she now says she'd rather die than loose her leg. I don't think she can deal with loosing anymore. lord please have mercy.

no dumplins today

we had a mixture of tomatoes,zuccini,garlic,onions over rice. mom cooks in her sleep all the time. she got up today and wanted to cook what she dreamed of. wilma had brought zuccini and teresa had brought some veggies and she fixed them all night. well it actually tasted good. not to die for but reasonably tasty over the rice. not much for a meat and potatoe person, but if you like veggies it was dewishous. I am very weary of what I call mini crisis. it seems there will never be a day with no worry. or aggrevation. I guess its all in how you deal with it and these days I don't seem to be able to deal with anything. I was so used to being able to physically stay ahead of everything and now seems I can't keep up with myself anymore. I am blessed to have my little new grt grandaughter born healthy. she was 9lb 7oz. 21 1/2 in long. She is a cutey. she looks like her momma a bit more than dad I think but they change so much in those first few months. I dreamed she was a red head. jim had a lot of red in his hair but hers right now seems brown with red tones. too soon to tell. they went home friday and AJ is really steppin up to the task. tiffani had stitches and the everpresent with childbirth(hemroids) Those first few days after a big baby like april are rough. AJ has the week off. we are still working on getting the house ready for laurie to move in. It is not very ready but we'll have to work on it a little at a time. I got my brothers things sorted and repacked and in the garage, up, hopefully where mice and bugs don't get in them. I will put my stuff back in storage for now. no time to sell, sort or prepare for yardsale. just want to be done with it. waterheater, furnace,backroom and floor jacks left to do and siding. I have had a hard time trying to sort jims stuff and keep the most precious or what was not ruined. but that part is done. I hope it will prove to be a good thing I did cause I have sure worked hard. jacob got home tonight. I am glad he is back safe.  Jamey has been gone more than here since jake left. so the garbage, dog and all weren't taken care of. if we asked him to do something while he was here to shower or eat he would do it and he did mow the lawn but he doesn't have a pinch of thought as to what he might do to help here. I think he just wants to be elsewhere. they are not "bad" kids just 19 and 22 and not very interested in anything that doesn't concern their day. not to unusual for the age. hard to keep the middle between them and mom. I tell them try to remember she is 4 generations from your world. well I am tired so I should get some rest. this will be a hard week and next week is job hunt. prayers to all and thank you lord for the blessings.

the boys

well the kid went out to take pics in the wild and returned at ten with 2 young ladys who(with permission from mom) went downstairs to view the pics they took. joey here and jamey came home too. 1st girl left at 11 and mom ask me to have them end the party at 1130. they were laughing and cutting up and being a bit noisey compared to usual.Jake asked me if she'd handle them going swimming for a while. I said no but I will just be quiet. so here I am at 300 in the AM sneaking them back in the house and trying to keep the dog from barking and mom being woke up. mission acomplished.it is hard to keep 3 generations happy. Thank GOD they are not horrible, disrespectful boys. they do try to follow the rules of the house which are oft times very stringent. no girls to spend the night, I agree with but sometimes they need a bit of space mom is not willing to give so I find myself mediating frequently. I guess we get by. I hope they know I try to ease it a little. she is so far away from them in age it is hard to make her see they are fairly well grown and able to have some fun without getting into trouble. you don't have to do anything wrong to get into trouble these days but we give all the precautions we can and pray the rest. safely tucked in tonight. prayers and love to all and I am gonna go to bed now.

dinnerbell done rang

Mom and kaye both very happy after the dinner. everyone ate well and she took a box home with her for david and later tonight, or tomorrow. actually it went very well. did I say that. pete looked awful tired. he is so protective of her but does things backwards sometimes and could make it so much easier with a few little tips. but you have to admire his tenacity. my spelling leaves a lot to be desired. now comes the clean up. got most in the dishwasher and food covered. time for a break.  so the menu was: grilled and broasted chicken, bisquits and gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn on the cob, dressing, cranberry sauce, cucumber salad and tossed salad, with coffee and cantelope for a dessert. she still has to be fed some of her food and uses a straw because her right side mouth is numb. I pray for her not to suffer any more but how do we know how much we can stand to stay with our loved ones. we went to her birthday do on thursday and it was nice but she was so tired. anna drost and kids were there. they have remained fairly close. well I will close this writing not knowing when or what will happen to our family next. we've had a hard year. I don't know where my brother is and what in the world is in his mind. it breaks my heart to think he feels I done him wrong. I have spent a year trying to preserve what of his things from the house that I can. How can he not know I had no choice. the house still needs a lot of work but it is almost livable again. laurie will be moving in it probably. I don't think she has a choice.   GOD have mercy on us all and prayers to our men fighting everywhere and thankful adam hasn't been deployed yet. good night