food can't fix it

I am so overwhelmed with grief for my sister, it is hard to breathe. They wouldn't even look at me for giving her a kidney. I keep going back in my mind to the day she virtually died in her living room and wonder, did I do the right thing. she's had to suffer through so much. I wonder if it is a test for pete(and her)like job, to test faith and I have a hard time not seeing the miricle we have all prayed and prayed for. course the fall was the culprit I guess. she made it over the heart stop and cpr. I can't even explain the way I feel. I know she has been spared for a time because so many things could have and should have taken her life and she fought through all of it to get to this point, where she has to loose a leg, or basically die, short of a miricle, it is a matter of time. she is like a child, so afraid and then so agressive when upset. I would be an idiot I'm sure if I had to endure what she has. pete is so determined to do all of her care and not let her go . I get so angry with him sometimes. a small change could make things easier for her and him. being the caregiver and watching over those in the hospital and making sure things were done as correctly as my knowledge would allow, was the only thing I felt like I could give my family and he took that completely away from me with my sister. of course this was her wish too I assume but I don't know. she remains so protective of her son and I think is grieving over leaving her family. as we all know none of us have the promise of tomorrow, but to see so much pain in one of your loved ones is almost more than I can bare. Her greatest fear was to be unable like our father was and it has come on her worse than daddy had to deal with. he didn't suffer so much even though he was disabled. He had his problems but came out of things quickly and remained jolly although he had some mental setbacks with memory and emotion he was quite happy. he kind of died in her arms(kayes) and I started CPR and looked at mom to tell me if I should continue, since he'd slipped alot in the last year. she said no, don't do it anymore. that was the hardest thing I've never done. I believe it was his time and he begged me not to take him to the hospital. he did not want to go through anymore of that. well I need to pray for all of us and try to sleep. it's likely to be a long hard day tomorrow. she now says she'd rather die than loose her leg. I don't think she can deal with loosing anymore. lord please have mercy.