sister

what does that mean. it means even if they don't like you, they love you. they will be the first to tell you, you are wrong, praise you if you're wonderful and stand up and throw down if anybody hurts you. we have lost one sister to heaven. I have so many mixed emotions right now I can't even begin to understand them myself. I think I hurt sue more than I realized with a wrong choice of words trying to understand her better and I know she's kind a lost her best friend. she and kaye were quite different than the rest of us. they had to go through things and help mom grow up and help raise the rest of us. I kind a got tim when he was born but they were in a different zone. when your parents start out it takes a while to know what to do and as you grow into a family, you learn so many things. so they got the first hard knocks and the rest of us got it a little better because they were there. I appreciate the difference in their dreams and goals. mine has been mostly nursing everyone I could physically and emotionally care for. we had to go through the hardest time for our family in all our lives. we had to give up one of us.we have lost a lot of loved ones but this was so much more painful. she was only 63 and fought with more than many would be able, to hang on and stay with us, but she just got too tired of the fight. she told mom not to worry, that she was ready to go and was so tired. she fought a hard battle and with pete's devotion and determenation and prayers, she was with us longer than most in her condition.with the sorrow I have had wonderful things also. I looked at my little AJ as a man today. he and his wife joined the church. tiffani,his wife, was baptized and they dedicated their precious little new baby to God. laurie and her family came to the funeral home and they all looked so nice and loving as usual and I was so proud of them. I actually got to talk to my daughter,amanda, about the situations that purely broke my heart and do feel some better about her and my relationship. my grandson joey got offense lineman of the year at his school and is part of the team winning the regional and going to semistate now and he is so proud to be part of it and doing more than great. so with all the hurt also comes joy.  little scarey, makes me wonder if something else is gonna happen, but I will try not to think with paranoid and worrisome thoughts. now if my brother jimmy could come around . I worry about him so much. he's dug himself into a hole we can't drag him out of and is not coming to many of the family. he did not come to the funeral home nor will he make the funeral probably. it has been a hard year and I think he will feel more guilt than anything else when he wakes up. I pray god will have mercy on all of us. I don't know what will bring him back.well I gotta get some rest. very hard day tomorow. we have to say our final goodbye and leave her alone.prayers for all and god bless